How to ask for a reference: who to ask, what to say and an email you can copy

Why references matter (and when employers call)

Many employers do not make an offer until they have checked references. HBR explains that before they send out an offer letter, employers need to do one last thing: a reference check. Most employers will ask you to provide the contact information of three third parties, such as your previous managers or colleagues, who can verify your work experience and speak about your qualifications and character.

Columbia's career centre says that prospective employers typically ask for three to five references to speak to about your qualifications. A thorough check, according to HBR, includes open-ended questions about your strengths and weaknesses, specific questions about your job responsibilities and performance, and insights into how you work.

References are common in hiring. One staffing firm reports that, according to SkillSurvey, 70% of its respondents said they check references for every job candidate, and 86% said that completing reference checks before making a job offer is "one of the most important steps in the hiring process".

So can a bad reference cost you an offer? The sources do not say that offers are withdrawn automatically, but they do show that the check happens before the offer letter. The practical answer is to choose people who know your work well and ask them first.

Who to ask: choosing the right referee

Choose people who have seen your work and are likely to speak well of it. Columbia's career centre advises: if you feel that you can receive a better reference from someone else in the organisation, ask the person who will speak positively about your work. Their title matters less than what they can describe.

Good choices:

• A recent manager who knows your results.
• A senior colleague who worked closely with you on a project.
• A client or partner who can describe how you work with others.
• A teacher or supervisor, if you are a student or have little work experience.

Check three things before you ask:

1. Do they know your work well enough to give specific examples?
2. Will they say something positive? If you are not sure, ask a different person.
3. Are they easy to reach? The employer will contact them, so your referee needs a working email address and phone number.

Avoid family members and close friends for a professional reference. Ask for permission every time: Columbia says that before listing an individual as a reference, you must ask for their permission by email or in person, or the way you usually communicate with that person.

When to ask and what to prepare

Ask as early as you can, before you put the name on an application. Purdue OWL advises that as a courtesy, you should get in touch with the people you wish to include on your reference list and ask permission to use their names.

Prepare a short pack for your referee. HBR says that the second, and arguably most important, step is to provide a template for your reviewer of what you would like included in the letter. For a spoken reference check, the same pack helps them remember details.

Include:

• Your updated CV.
• The job description or a link to the advert.
• Three or four achievements you would like them to mention, with dates and projects.
• The deadline, or how soon the employer may call.
• How the reference will be used: Purdue says to formally ask to use the person as a reference and state how the reference will be used.

If you need a written letter, be clear about the format. An academic writer advises explaining the expected format of the letter and sharing your application materials at least a few weeks before the deadline: give your referee time.

What to say: in person or on the phone

Short, direct sentences work best. Start with a friendly opening, give the reason, make the request, and give them an easy way to say no.

Opening

• "Do you have a minute? I wanted to ask you something."
• "I hope you're well. I'm applying for a new role, and I'd like to ask a favour."

The request

• "I'm applying for a project manager role. Would you be willing to act as a reference for me?"
• "I think you know my work best. Would you feel comfortable giving me a positive reference?"

Giving them an easy way out

• "If you're too busy, I completely understand."
• "No problem at all if you'd rather not."

If they say yes

• "Thank you so much. I'll send you my CV and the job description today."
• "The employer may call you in the next few weeks. Is this the best number?"

If they hesitate

• "Would you like to see my CV first?"

Say these sentences aloud once before the conversation. Speaking them makes the words feel less strange, and you will sound calmer. Our guide to small talk has phrases for the friendly opening.

Email templates you can copy

Asking a former manager

Asking a colleague

Following up if there is no reply

Keep each message short, polite and specific. Do not copy these exactly. Replace the details with your own and read the message aloud before you send it.

After they agree: thank them and keep them informed

Your relationship with a referee continues after the request.

1. Send the pack (CV, job description, key points) the same day.
2. Tell them when a call is likely. A reference check often comes late in the process.
3. Thank them in writing. Example: "Thank you for agreeing to be a reference. I appreciate your support."
4. Share the outcome. Whether you get the job or not, tell them. People like to know that their help mattered.

Thank-you phrases:

• "Thank you for taking the time to support my application."
• "I really appreciate your help. I'll let you know how it goes."
• "I got the job! Thank you again for your support."

For different ways to say thank you in email and speech, see our list of ways to say thank you.

A reference list should also be tidy. Purdue's guidance is that your reference sheet should list the names, addresses and relation to you for each reference, so the employer knows who each person is and how they know you.

Mistakes to avoid

• Listing someone without asking. This can surprise them and produce a weak reference. Always ask first.
• Asking too late. Give the person time to think and to prepare.
• Not telling them about the job. A referee who knows the role can describe the skills that matter.
• Choosing a famous person who barely knows you. A detailed reference from a direct manager beats a vague one from a senior name.
• Sending a long, formal message. A short, polite email is easier to answer.
• Forgetting to follow up. If you do not hear back, write once more, and have a second choice ready.

If you are worried about a certain manager, do not guess. Ask a trusted colleague, or ask the person directly whether they would be comfortable giving a positive reference. A kind, honest question protects you both.

A final point for non-native speakers: formal English in a request does not need long sentences. "I would be grateful if you could…" and "Would you be willing to…" are enough, and they sound polite.